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Sunday, 29 May 2016

Orienteering fun

My camp orienteering (coldest activity) 
The moment that the sun rises, I step out the cabin door, and run back in the cabin,  
I freeze in the bitter cold morning. There's just a touch of sun in the air.
Am I in Antarctica? I walk to the big kitchen. Oh gosh I'm still dressed in my pyjamas. I look around at everyone else, and mostly everyone is dressed. I'm not. I feel embarrassed.

I stand outside my cabin door, gosh I should've put slippers on. My toes freeze. This isn't how I wanted my first day to go. “Hurry up!” teachers yell. So I have to get dressed. I go to my second activity of the day.
We set up I'm a bit worried, what we're doing out in the woods? I find out we're doing orienteering. Really orienteering??? My heart just beats, even faster if anyone would dare to say it again. The cold day just keeps going on. I really wish I had powers so I could stop the day and go to sleep, But I can't.
My heart beats fast. I walk and walk. Will we ever find the orienteering number? Because I'm not so sure. “Kaia do you know where it is?” I say
“No,” Kaia answers
“Oh no,” I mumble. 

I wish I could've just stayed in. I usually would want to do orienteering. At least I'm not doing mountain biking today. It's so cold it feels like all my hair of my legs have came off, and run away. I call out in my head come back. This is really bad. 

It starts to rain, as I'm walking to a number. I pull out my jacket and put it on. I walk in the rain, all the way to the picnic table.  I’m in a freezer, that is turned all the way to completely cold.  I am just wearing shorts and a Tee shirt and a Jersey.

“Hurry up” the teachers call.  Gosh I wish they can't even hear me, how can they see me?   I try not notice them but of course I just go. The picnic table is cold I just wonder where Lily-Grace is. “Oh Lily-Grace,” I say we end up walking back to camp. Where is Lily-Grace is she alright? It turns out I see Lily-Grace just walking a few steps in front of me so I run to her as fast as I can possibly go. “Lily-Grace are you ok?,” I ask
“It doesn't matter,” Lily-Grace replies. 
“Ok then,” I say.

We get back to the camp I run into my cabin and jump onto my bed finally some peace and quiet. “FREE TIME!!!!,” teachers call.
“Yay,” I say with joy.
“What? It's freezing,” Lily-grace says.
“I know,” I reply. 


My reflection  
I thought what I could do there was heaps of options what could I do what could I do. Then orienteering sprung up to my head why don't I do that for writing so I got started right away. I was trying to focus just on one story for this once to get it done. I wanted to get a bit of humor into it so I try and I think I did well on it. I want to get this writing finished in time to post it on my blog and that would be pretty good. 

My punctuation isn't that good but I still try to do it. I'm trying to write it in the present tense and I think I did well with that.  I use the present tense because I think it sounds better than the past tense. But some of it might be in the past tense. The writing might not be really detailed but I still try. 
I think this could be detailed even more. Next time I do description I will use the present tense or even better I'll try use it in a story and that, my friend, will be great. 

I will try not use too much of and then, and he and so on. I will try to come up with better words than . Also I'll try not use too much of: then he went there, then he got a ice cream, then he went home, then he scattered onto the ground, then and so on. The word then and and are bad so I'll try to avoid them next time. 

It's really annoying when I don't put capital letters in when I have full stops because then I have to put them in after I've finished which slows me down. It's also the same with commas. I was learning how to appeal to senses I think I did it pretty well. I was also trying to hook the reader on the first paragraph which I did pretty well. I think I need to work on the first paragraph I need to put punctuation in. Some of my full stops and commas aren't in the right place. Also when I have a question eg: what is that? I don't put question marks (sometimes I do that sometimes.) I think that next time I'll try to appeal senses. 









2 comments:

  1. Did I really say that. You are just unbelievable every single little time its wow you blow my ming because you are lets admit amazing. What I love about your writing is that it seems like you really mean it like your sitting there on my shoulder reading it to me. Loved it when you said "I freeze in the bitter cold morning. There's just a touch of sun in the air. Am I in Antarctica?" That really brings me with you.

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  2. No you didn't say that Miss.P said we don't have to do it all true but most of it

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